Rob Has Secrets

Secret 365

2011-08-28T23:47:00.000+01:00

So here we are. A whole year of divulging secrets about myself is over and done with. It's been a lot more popular than I thought it would be, and I really appreciate you all reading it. So - thank you.

I started this blog as a way to properly break away from a number of insecurities that were plaguing me at the time. Basically, stealing the idea of Post Secret but making it more real, more visceral; I knew that the only people reading this were most likely to be my friends. There is no anonymity here. You know who I am.

And it worked, genuinely. I have been able to tell you all things that I have stored up for a long time.

But, here's the last secret.

I still have some left. I still have many left. Things that, in spite of everything, I can't quite bring myself to tell other people just yet.

The plan to deconstruct myself entirely, to become a clean, open person, has failed.

But this might not be the end of the blog. I'm going to leave it a while, see how many more embarrassing things happen to me, see if I can bring myself to tell other people the remaining secrets that are still in my head, and might be back.

Until then - thanks for reading. It means a lot for an old, anxious emo kid like myself.

Also, check out my new blog. I'll hopefully be uploading a new post every couple of weeks or so. It'll be longer. But hopefully fun.

Secret 364

2011-08-28T00:55:00.001+01:00

Crikey, tomorrow's going to be the last secret!

So since this is the penultimate one, let's round up a list of my irrational hatreds that I don't think I have covered yet.

1. The Stereophonics (except the song Mr Writer)
2. Johnny Depp
3. The band 'Gay For Johnny Depp'
4. The Rolling Stones' mouth logo
5. Steampunk
6. John Motson
7. Those CD cases that have curved edges
8. Peavey guitars
9. People who look like celebrities I dislike
10. Celebrities who look like people I dislike
11. People who use the word 'quintessential' often
12. Men who take dancing in clubs too seriously
13. The entire county of Northamptonshire
14. The concept of Tapas
15. Russia

As usual - please note, I have no idea why I dislike the above. I have never even been to Northamptonshire or Russia. I don't know if I have ever heard a 'Gay For Johnny Depp' song. I enjoy eating Tapas food, just not the concept of several smaller dishes. There is just something about all of the above that makes me uncomfortable. My kryptonite.

Secret 363

2011-08-26T23:31:00.000+01:00

I absolutely love watching Christmas and Halloween specials at the wrong time of the year. I'm currently watching the South Park Halloween special and it feels gooooooood.t

Secret 362

2011-08-25T23:58:00.000+01:00

As big a prude as I am around other people, I actually spend a large amount of alone time with no shirt on. Like a common yob.

Secret 361

2011-08-25T00:26:00.000+01:00

New song!

Telling Tales by The Inkstars

Also, tonight's secret:

I am genuinely concerned that I will never reach an age where I don't think it's cool to have band posters on the walls.

Secret 360

2011-08-24T00:08:00.000+01:00

After this secret there are only five more left before the end of the blog! Crikey.

So. Let's get some good ones done eh?

I used to have a major crush on one of my good friends at the time. It still kinds of fills be with regret that I didn't act on it, even though I know nothing would have ever happened.

Secret 359

2011-08-22T23:07:00.000+01:00

I like to use the made-up term faecetious.

It refers to a very specific situation:

Someone you are talking to is spouting a load of rubbish (or, you could say, a load of crap).

You call them up on it.

Their reply?

"I was being facetious."

You know that's not true. They know that's not true. Everyone knows they were speaking their mind, but unfortunately their opinion is idiotic. Even they know it. But you don't call them on it anyway.

There we go. Faecetious. When's it going to be added to the dictionary?

Secret 358

2011-08-22T00:23:00.000+01:00

I face a very tough decision. Do I be sensible with my money, or do I buy a new bass guitar and bass amp?

These are the important questions in life.

Secret 357

2011-08-21T00:18:00.000+01:00

Tonight I also took part in an air guitar competition and did fairly well. Here's the proper secret though: the nerves I felt before doing air guitar were probably worse than playing live with a real musical instrument.

Life is weird.

Secret 356

2011-08-20T19:41:00.000+01:00

Last night I came last in an air guitar competition.

Secret 355

2011-08-18T23:00:00.000+01:00

My life is made up of a variety of failsafe devices and protection mechanisms. A lot of them are emotional, psychological; ways to make sure I don't get hurt.

However, some of them are more practical than others.

Here's a practical one: before I go to a bathroom, I always check I have my phone on me in case I get locked in and need to be rescued.

I actually think about things like this.

I'm going to be an embarrassingly protective parent, aren't I?

Secret 354

2011-08-18T01:39:00.001+01:00

One of the most satisfying things in the world is playing a gig with a bunch of bands who are dicks; and bringing the most people as audience members. Then, watch as all of your fans leave after your set to the disappointment of the arsehole bands.

It's bliss.

Secret 353

2011-08-16T23:45:00.001+01:00

Reason why I love trains #67:

When a train is slowing down, it sometimes makes the sound of the start of the theme from Terminator 2.

Secret 352

2011-08-16T00:15:00.001+01:00

I intensely dislike the word vernacular, because I think it sounds like the name of some kind of fungal infection. It should be banned from use.

Secret 351

2011-08-14T22:35:00.000+01:00

If I could travel by any means, to wherever I wanted to go, it would definitely be by boat. Any kind of boat. There's just something about it that I absolutely love.

Secret 350

2011-08-14T00:28:00.000+01:00

One of my favourite things to do in the summer is to sit inside a café or pub. Don't know why, but the moment you duck into a brooding, dark place out of the sun and order a cool drink is, for me, one of those moments of bliss.

Secret 349

2011-08-13T00:55:00.000+01:00

I very much dislike the feeling of felt.

Secret 348

2011-08-11T21:42:00.000+01:00

I have realised that I am, in fact, an arsehole.

What caused this dramatic revelation?

Well. Today I was going to listen to an album that arrived for me (Ruby Throat's The Ventriloquist - go listen, it's great) but realised that I also wanted to play some retro games. Since I don't have a CD player, only my DVD player and my new telly with beastly speakers, I spent about half an hour deliberating between the two. I refused to listen to the album for the first time on my laptop speakers whilst playing games because the audio quality was too poor. So I decided to play some retro games for a while, and then get onto listening to the album.

The problem is, looking back on it, there are many, many dickhead moments in the above paragraph. The fact that I play retro games at all, for one.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am doomed. But I think I'll fit in with trendy South-East Londoners pretty well.

Secret 347

2011-08-11T00:01:00.000+01:00

It feels so good to be able to play a gig and be able to hang around afterwards.

Also, the immediate high of playing music live is fantastic. I still haven't gotten the knack of going to bed before the dramatic comedown.

Secret 346

2011-08-09T23:16:00.000+01:00

I'm not quite sure why, but a lot of the music that I end up finding and enjoying was originally made in the 1990s.

Take, for instance, my latest discovery, Recoil:

And each time this happens, I think to myself why didn't I find this stuff sooner?!

Secret 345

2011-08-08T23:47:00.001+01:00

I like to think that, behind the scenes, all pigs are like the pigs out of the animated version of Animal Farm. They're blatantly plotting our demise all the time.

Secret 344

2011-08-07T22:41:00.000+01:00

I find it much harder to write creatively with a pen and paper than I do with a computer.

Secret 343

2011-08-06T22:37:00.000+01:00

I absolutely love the Overground system in London for a variety of reasons. The trains are nice, it makes travelling to certain places a lot easier, and you meet some very interesting nutters when you travel on it at odd hours.

However, the thing I love the most is this:

Staring down the train when it goes around bends. It looks like there are various layers to the train, shaping themselves as it goes along. It's really cool, and in a dumb, geeky sort of way reminds me of 2001: A Space Odyssey.

Secret 342

2011-08-05T23:43:00.000+01:00

My plan of action, now I am living on my own, is still to try out some internet dating.

Watch out, Guardian Soulmates.

Secret 341

2011-08-04T22:21:00.000+01:00

Weird dream from last night:

Two of my bandmates and I went to Alain Prost's house in ninja gear, to rescue some important documents he had stolen from me. Turns out they were a number of song lyrics and love letters.

To celebrate, we went clubbing with a load of my friends. A slow song came on, and me and one of my close female friends started slow-dancing. We nearly kissed, but didn't and we both apologised and ran away. I left the club, and for some reason was in Bordeaux. I walked home through fields of sunflowers in the middle of the night.

Secret 340

2011-08-03T23:42:00.000+01:00

One of my favourite things to do is to set off a chivalry chain on the tube.

So, offer your seat to a pregnant or elderly woman. Then, sit back and watch the guilt hit all the other young males on the train. When it works, and people actually give up their seats, it's a great feeling.

Secret 339

2011-08-02T21:47:00.000+01:00

I kind of feel at home in my new flat already.

And I have figured out why as well. It's because I can listen to music, without headphones, through good quality speakers.

It really makes a big difference.

Secret 338

2011-08-01T23:50:00.000+01:00

So, I'm a year older today.

It has, in general, been a pretty awful year. I don't think there's much about being 22 that I will fondly remember.

There were a few highlights though.

1. My friends continuing to be totally awesome.

2. Having an interesting and fun time working at Virgin Atlantic, thus breaking the "your first job after university must suck" rule. Plus meeting some great people there.

3. Playing music. Putting my heart and soul into songs for Inkstars, continuing to be part of The Love Explosion, and being in the super-rocking-awesome Ignorance of a Rival.

4. My family are nice and my dog is really cute.

5. Seriously, my dog is super-cute.

So, if you're in any way responsible for making a rubbish year a little bit better, thanks. I really appreciate it.

Secret 337

2011-07-31T23:40:00.000+01:00

I have a massive crush on Tamsin Greig.

Secret 336

2011-07-31T00:08:00.000+01:00

Whenever I spend time with a group of people, and then am eventually left on my own - even if it is just to go to my room, or into my house, to go to bed - I will feel a real, crushing sadness that I am alone.

Every time. There's no way I've found to combat it. As soon as I am left alone, I start feeling depressed.

Secret 335

2011-07-30T01:42:00.000+01:00

I'm about to turn 23.

And I still spend far too much time watching dumb cartoons. For instance:

And:

Secret 334

2011-07-28T22:50:00.000+01:00

At last, a proper secret for you all!

When I was back at university, in the height of my depression, I used to sometimes challenge myself. To see how long I could go without sleeping, see how long I could go without eating, see how long I could go without drinking.

Sometimes, I used to see how long I could go without seeing another person.

It's amazing how easy it is to disappear by just, quite simply, trying not to find other people.

Secret 333

2011-07-28T00:34:00.000+01:00

When I get home late at night, I often don't lock the front door as soon as I enter the house. Most of the time, I have a look around to make sure there aren't any axe-murderers, zombies, or rabid bears ready to attack me. An unlocked door means I can make a quick getaway just in case.

Secret 332

2011-07-26T23:17:00.000+01:00

Feeling miserable for no apparent reason.

Hmm.

Will this do for a secret? No? Okay.

How's about this: I will consider my life to be alright if, at the very least, I can be sitting down 25 years from now and talking to a petulant kid of mine about how I nearly made it in the music industry. At the very least, it will mean I have tried to get somewhere doing what I love.

Secret 331

2011-07-25T22:59:00.000+01:00

An absolute pet hate of mine:

When, in a song, the vocalist just sings the exact same thing as the lead guitar part.

I like layers in songs as much as I like layers on a cold winter night. You have a guitar for a reason. Use it. Play something different to what the bloody vocalist is doing.

End rant.

Secret 330

2011-07-24T22:40:00.000+01:00

When I have nice dreams, they're actually amazingly innocent. The sort of dreams that would make a Daily Mail reader's 'lists of things that would be nice to do at some point in my life'.

For instance, the other day I had a dream where I married Eliza Dushku and then after a lovely ceremony went driving around the English countryside and picked apples. It was thoroughly nice, like a cup of tea or a round of bowling.

Secret 329

2011-07-23T22:04:00.001+01:00

A new addition to my 'not singing the right lyrics to popular songs'.

Take, for instance, the new Wanted song.

You should try singing "my unicorn will never be the same" in the chorus instead of "universe". It'll change your life. Also creates a wonderful mental image.

Secret 328

2011-07-22T22:22:00.000+01:00

I am playing an old Gameboy game called Mystic Quest. If you don't know it, find it and play it. It's brilliant.

It's also one of those games where you put in the name of yourself and the name of the female character (à la the original Zelda games).

Since I am not going out with anyone at the moment (which would be my default choice of name), I had to get creative. Therefore, the hero is called ROB, and the female character is called DERP.

DERP gets mentioned often during the course of the name. Each time it does, it makes me actually laugh out loud. This is particularly embarrassing if I am playing it on a train.

'Cause, you know, playing an old Gameboy isn't embarrassing enough.

Secret 327

2011-07-21T23:40:00.000+01:00

The last few times I have got home late, I have been singing along to whatever I have had on my mp3 player.

Tonight, I faced a conundrum. A post-rock song.

What did I do?

Sang along making guitar noises.

If you're interested, this is the song I had on:

Secret 326

2011-07-21T00:28:00.000+01:00

Something I am eternally grateful for:

24 hour fast food joints.

Secret 325

2011-07-20T16:41:00.000+01:00

I went to a team meeting thing for my new job yesterday (no internet access, hence late secret). We went to LaserQuest.

I have clearly played too much Call of Duty, as after keeping a tally of how many people I'd shot in a row, I started working out what my Killstreak bonuses would have been.

Secret 324

2011-07-18T22:09:00.000+01:00

One of my favourite feelings in the world is sitting outside at night listening to music. Put a table up in the garden, open a window to a CD player, light up some candles, and chill out.

It's an amazing feeling.

Secret 323

2011-07-17T22:41:00.000+01:00

First things first: my new blog is now live! Read it here: http://eyesareout.wordpress.com/

It'll take over from Rob Has Secrets when my year of secrets comes to an end. The first post is about the News of the World.

Anyway, tonight's secret:

After getting a Wii last year, I only play it with other people. It's a total waste.

Secret 322

2011-07-16T22:37:00.000+01:00

An irrational reason for why I like macarons:

I think they look like mini, multicoloured burgers.

Secret 321

2011-07-15T22:05:00.000+01:00

Every so often, I bizarrely miss drinking out of a water fountain like at primary school.

Secret 320

2011-07-15T00:33:00.000+01:00

A real pet peeve of mine: songs with outrageously catchy choruses that cut the final chorus of the song short.

I'm looking at you, Follow The Waves by Melissa Auf Der Maur:

That said, I still totally dig the song, and still totally have a crush on her.

Secret 319

2011-07-13T23:14:00.001+01:00

Have you ever noticed that, when brushing your teeth, you can alter the pitch of the sound of your toothbrushing by moving your cheeks and lips?

I have.

I may try to work out how to play different songs whilst brushing.

Songs like Funky Town.

Secret 318

2011-07-13T07:12:00.000+01:00

Balls, forgot to write a secret last night. Whoops, and I was doing so well.

Whenever I see a bit of good driving or a bit of bad driving, I keep a tab in my head of what kind of car the driver has. I have a vague running total of which car manufacturers have fairly nice customers and which ones have absolute bastards.

Secret 317

2011-07-12T01:08:00.000+01:00

Another music embarrassment.

I absolutely bloody love Katy B. I actually want to go see her at Bestival when I go.

How can you not love this song?

I've had it stuck in my head an obscene amount of time now. It's great.

Secret 316

2011-07-10T22:25:00.000+01:00

I get seriously concerned about whether I am cut out to be a dad one day.

Also, this song is amazing:

SONOIO - Enough from Alessandro Cortini on Vimeo.

Secret 315

2011-07-09T22:18:00.000+01:00

I have been feeling quite restless recently. I realised, somewhat depressingly, that one of the reasons for this is that the football season hasn't started and that makes me incredibly unhappy.

Secret 314

2011-07-09T00:34:00.000+01:00

I have a new routine for when I get back from band practices.

I usually end up having to change on my way back from London to Sussex, at Gatwick Airport. So, I get off the train, get myself an iced tea or iced coffee and wait for my train.

Makes me feel all grown up for some reason.

Also, just for shiggles, listen to this - it's an amazing song by an amazing band:

Secret 313

2011-07-08T00:29:00.001+01:00

A way to confuse Londoners a lot:

Wear a suit and tie and carry around musical instruments. Seriously, I got a huge amount of odd looks carrying my bass whilst dressed for interviews.

Secret 312

2011-07-06T23:27:00.000+01:00

I still think Jackass is very funny.

Secret 311

2011-07-06T00:20:00.000+01:00

I listened to extremely angry music for the first time in ages today.

I don't care how juvenile it is. It felt bloody fantastic.

Here's an example:

Secret 310

2011-07-04T23:34:00.000+01:00

When I was a kid, quite a lot of kids shows creeped the hell out of me. Not in terms of genuinely disturbing me, but just being quite weird.

Here's one of the worst culprits:

Seriously. What the fudge is going on?

Secret 309

2011-07-03T23:29:00.000+01:00

Sometimes I like to sleep facing the wrong way on my bed - with my feet up to the side of my pillows and my head lying flat.

I don't understand why. It's not that comfortable and I often wake up aching.

Secret 308

2011-07-03T00:19:00.000+01:00

Home late, long day of difficult travel.

So I'll keep it brief.

When I was a teenager, spending my summer's in France, I used to occasionally go for bike rides into the surrounding countryside on my own. I used to try to pretend that I was the only person around for miles. Pedal as fast as I could, building up enough speed to let the wind whip me around and pull at my clothes. It was a great feeling, a real sense of calm.

I think I need to go back there again.

Secret 307

2011-07-01T23:32:00.002+01:00

Sorry, long secret tonight.

I remember, when I was back at university, something that my counsellor said to me. She explained that, due to some traumatic events in my early teens and my general messed-up-ness, that I had never fully moved on from a particular moment until my head was fixed.

At first this messed me up a little more, as you'd expect. Then, when it became apparent that I was pretty much as 'fixed' as I was ever going to get, I thought 'well, that's alright then. Let's start again and sort this all out'. So soon enough I was in love and living life the way it should be.

But the thing is - and I realise this now - that I missed all those experiences. That I will never have the same experience as an average teen and all that stuff. Because, even as I develop more as a person now, I'm doing it alone. I've missed a large chunk of time that I will never get back and never experience in the same way that other people, if at all.

I know I'm rambling, so to put it simply: when the rest of you were having teenage years, and fun, and growing as people, I was locked away both emotionally and literally, and my main coping mechanism was just listening to music. Otherwise I wouldn't have made it out. And I will never be able to find that time again.

You want to know what the trigger was for this realisation? As this is the real kicker here, folks: Buffy The Vampire Slayer. I have been rewatching it recently, and alongside the kickass monster-fighting I've noticed there's a lot of emotional and friendship storylines in there as well. And I realised - well, I didn't have that time myself. Obviously I didn't do all the vampire-slaying, but I didn't have that emotional stuff either. What did I do instead? Well, I spent a large portion of it watching Buffy The Vampire Slayer, I guess.

Secret 306

2011-06-30T22:02:00.000+01:00

Along with mangoes, nectarines are probably my favourite fruit.

Unfortunately, I always get paranoid when I eat them.

What about? When I was a kid, I had this idea that there's a nest of insects living in the stone that want to get out and bite whoever is eating the fruit. So I always eat extremely carefully around the stone. I practically panic if the stone has a hole in it or if I accidentally bite into it.

Secret 305

2011-06-29T22:41:00.000+01:00

If you are a fan of fashion at all, you might not want to read this secret.

1. I still think most football shirts look effortlessly cool.

2. I wear a lot of horizontal stripes. This isn't born out of a desire to look like a marvellous indie monstrosity (I manage that look exceedingly well already, thank you) but out of the fact that I read way too much of the Beano when I was younger and still secretly want to look like Dennis the Menace.

Secret 304

2011-06-28T22:52:00.000+01:00

As far as teetotallers go, I think I'm a pretty decent one. I don't lecture people on drink, I believe that it's totally cool for people to drink, and it doesn't stop me from having a good time when I'm out with my friends.

However - there is, as usual, an exception.

I always get really uncomfortable around groups of blokes who have been heavily drinking, unless they're my friends. There's just this level of unpredictability mixed with the just-below-the-skin threat of violence that I just can't handle that well. There's a mindset there that I never had even when I was getting pissed myself, and that I can't really comprehend.

It's exactly the same with drug use, although my tolerance threshold is much more limited for that.

Secret 303

2011-06-27T22:13:00.000+01:00

Me, today, in the heat:

So, my secret for today - as much as I like to think of myself as pretty chilled about things. However, I have one major flaw that shows me off for the moaning Brit that deep down I know I am.

The weather is never right.

I spent an obscene amount of time complaining about the weather this winter. For a brief period of May, the weather was bliss. But we have now entered the summer properly, and today it was just too damn hot! I found myself yearning for a thunderstorm.

Thing is, when a thunderstorm hits, I'm going to be the first person to start moaning about how it would be glorious to have a bit of sun.

Secret 302

2011-06-26T22:14:00.000+01:00

I much prefer the Wayne's World version of Bohemian Rhapsody to the real thing:

I also bloody love the excepts of Richard E. Grant's dramatic reading of the lyrics (start watching at approx 0:45):

Secret 301

2011-06-26T00:01:00.000+01:00

I, unfortunately, have OCD in games.

It means I have to complete everything when I play a game.

Unfortunately, this has been my undoing. I am currently playing Red Dead Redemption. And to unlock some extra stuff (outfits, weapons, etc) you have to complete certain tasks.

Alas, some of these tasks are boring as hell. I've been playing poker in-game for the last two hours. It's boring and it sucks. Most of that I've spent playing in one match that just won't end. I actually hate it when games do stuff like this.

Secret 300

2011-06-25T00:55:00.000+01:00

It's late, I know. So sue me. I've had an awesome day in London and just got back.

Here's the secret:

I am hesitant about growing facial hair for a few reasons. One of the main ones is that I am paranoid that, given my rather bushy eyebrows, any kind of mustache/beard combo will make it look like I just have a pair of extra eyebrows on my face.

Secret 299

2011-06-23T22:12:00.000+01:00

I have favourite moments of songs.

I'm not talking the "oh, the chorus of Pokerface is well good!" kind of thing (although, to be fair, it is totally awesome and if you disagree you're some kind of heretic monster).

I'm thinking about stuff like "the moment where Chris Corner's voice breaks on the second chorus of Volatile Times" or "the exact moment that The Becoming breaks down into the acoustic section".

Yes, I know I'm sad. And pretentious. But fuck it, you don't know what you're missing.

Secret 298

2011-06-22T23:11:00.000+01:00

When I was a kid, I would often find myself attaching to secondary characters much more than the main ones.

I always much preferred Sweep to Sooty. Knuckles (and Tails) to Sonic. Luigi to Mario. Even going into secondary characters in films - i.e. Mac in Predator, or the supporting cast of things like Notting Hill.

Even recently, it still sticks with me - I loved Joseph Gordon-Levitt's character in Inception, for instance.

Secret 297

2011-06-21T21:36:00.001+01:00

I have never liked Only Fools and Horses. I remember always watching the intro and thinking 'this theme tune is bloody fantastic' and then being perpetually let down by the show itself.

Secret 296

2011-06-20T22:50:00.000+01:00

A question for all you non-insane people out there:

Do any of you just get the occasional urge to, I dunno, jump out in front of a train or jump off a tall building etc? Not even being properly suicidal, just kind of...I dunno...fleeting feelings like that?

If the answer is 'no, of course not you crazy sonofabitch' then please ignore this update as I totally don't either...quick distraction, listen to this awesome song:

Secret 295

2011-06-19T22:02:00.000+01:00

I find it impossible to sleep with socks on.

On a related note, I've started using this fruit spray thing from Body Shop to help with insomnia. Can't tell if it works or not just yet, but I know there is a side-effect that makes you feel much less manly.

Secret 294

2011-06-18T19:50:00.001+01:00

I am competely and utterly addicted to Tizer.

Pray for me.

Secret 293

2011-06-17T21:45:00.000+01:00

I have spent most of the last couple of months feeling so anxious that there has been a tightness to my chest.

It's like being in an action movie all the time. It's great.

Well, not really. It sucks.

Secret 292

2011-06-16T21:24:00.002+01:00

I actually really like it when people get my age wrong. When someone thinks I'm 18 or 19 I think "I still got it! I still look like a student!" and when someone thinks I'm 25/26 I think "They must think I'm really mature!"

It's boring being 22.

Secret 291

2011-06-15T21:46:00.000+01:00

As much as I love swimming, I sometimes get very paranoid when I am in water - even in the bath. I get concerned when I can't see the bottom of a pool, for instance (in case there is some kind of hideous jaws-meets-the-kraken beastie lurking somewhere), and I don't like closing my eyes underwater.

Not sure why. Just always been a bit weird about it.

Secret 290

2011-06-14T22:23:00.001+01:00

A Special Announcement!

Right, I've decided the blog is going to come to an end after 365 days - a nice round year of secrets. The last one is going to be a kicker.

But - I have another blog lined up, that I will either start alongside Rob Has Secrets or start immediately afterwards. Won't be daily updates, but maybe weekly or fortnightly.

So what's today's secret?

That I went to a mobile marketing conference today, and I do not own a smart phone. In fact, I haven't used them much either.

Winner.

Secret 289

2011-06-13T22:43:00.000+01:00

Although I am generally fairly forward thinking about new technology, certain things terrify and confuse me.

Take, for instance, facial recognition service. That's one step too close to Demolition Man for my liking. And I don't want a Wesley Snipes-a-like in marvellous dungarees to cut out my eyes to gain access to a building.

Secret 288

2011-06-12T23:00:00.000+01:00

I genuinely enjoy a lot of reality TV, and I'm not quite sure why. I know it's crap. But if I put it on, I just can't stop myself from watching.

Luckily, I have managed to avoid watching any of them regularly. Otherwise I think it might be the end of me.

Secret 287

2011-06-12T00:10:00.000+01:00

I absolutely love it when you can see the moon in broad daylight.

Secret 286

2011-06-11T00:00:00.001+01:00

When I was younger, someone accidentally burned me with a cigarette when I was walking down the street.

To try and stop me from crying, my parents told me that the man was clearly so upset about burning me that he was going to give up smoking.

It actually worked. Back then I had a vague notion that smoking is bad for you, and I actually did think to myself "well, if it means he stays healthy, then it was worth it".

Secret 285

2011-06-09T23:15:00.000+01:00

I genuinely enjoy the taste of those cheap and nasty 10p noodles from Tescos/Sainsburies.

Secret 284

2011-06-09T00:36:00.000+01:00

If I have missed my train home from London, and face a wait of up to 50 minutes, I always get a train to Gatwick and wait there.

I walk around the airport, get a coffee, stuff like that. There's something soothing I find about being in a travel hub at night.

Secret 283

2011-06-07T22:36:00.001+01:00

My belt collection is far too large for a man.

It's a guilty pleasure. Just as dangerous as shoes.

Secret 282

2011-06-06T23:43:00.000+01:00

I can tell when something is wrong with me when I play a gig and it doesn't help me feel better about things. Like now.

Hopefully Wednesday's one will.

Secret 281

2011-06-05T22:53:00.000+01:00

Bit of shameless plugging here: I'm playing a gig at The Hope tomorrow night, down in Brighton. If you're Sussex-based and are free, it would be great if you could make it. We're on early, but the other bands are great too.

Anyway - the secret for tonight.

I am normally fine with nerves before any gig where I am not the focus of attention - if I am playing guitar, or bass, and not singing, I am usually fine.

However, whenever I am singing myself, I still feel the same kick as I did the first time I ever played live. It's never left me.

Secret 280

2011-06-04T21:30:00.000+01:00

I've never been one to champion the cause of 'videogames are art'. Although I do agree that there are some spectacular videogames that certainly are art, there's still a lot of ones out there with questionable merit, terrible storylines, outrageous misogyny, yada yada.

But every so often a game comes along to make me want to shout from the rooftops "VIDEOGAMES ARE AWESOME!"

Latest one I've played: Red Dead Redemption. Just, wow. So immersive.

Although, when the next Call of Duty game comes out I'm sure I'll walk, cap in hand, back into my bitter apathy of "meh".

Secret 279

2011-06-03T23:29:00.000+01:00

One of my favourite songs is All Is Full Of Love by Bjork.

Unfortunately, due to the extensive time I have spent on the internet, I never actually sing the words "all is full of love".

Instead, I always sing "all is full of win".

I am so very sad.

Secret 278

2011-06-02T22:25:00.000+01:00

Whenever I have a milkshake - particularly one of those crappy powdered ones - it immediately makes me feel like a little kid again.

There's a feeling of absolute joy as I take that first sip through the straw. I immediately want to run around pretending to be an aeroplane.

Secret 277

2011-06-01T22:17:00.000+01:00

I have a habit of rating things. For instance, after I have finished a meal, I will often give it a rating out of ten. "Well, that was pretty good, but not exceptional by my cooking standards, I'd give it a 7/10".

I do similar things for pretty much everything. "My walk to work today is going pretty badly. It's raining and the traffic means I can't cross the road. 3/10".

Strangely enough though, I don't do it for people's looks - weird given that it's apparently what most people actually do. I'll stick to rating my performance at a videogame on that particular night, or how fat I feel on a particular day, thank you very much.

Secret 276

2011-05-31T21:44:00.000+01:00

Yesterday, I sat down to start writing a new short story.

I'm now quite scared that I have forgotten how to write prose fiction. It's been over a year since I last tried to write something like that, and it's just not working.

In fact, I'm a little concerned that I may have peaked creatively.

Secret 275

2011-05-30T21:26:00.000+01:00

I absolutely hate it when I am walking somewhere secluded and I come across someone else. For some reason, it really pisses me off. Even if it's an urban area rather than, say, a woods or a field.

There's something about that level of total seclusion that is just...brilliant. And I don't like it when it gets interrupted.

Secret 274

2011-05-29T23:04:00.000+01:00

I don't think that the Rocky Horror Picture Show is that good.

I think Tim Curry is more entertaining in Congo. A movie that is a much bigger guilty pleasure for me.

Please don't hate me.

Secret 273

2011-05-28T22:53:00.000+01:00

One of my youngest memories:

Falling in a pond at a country club. I can't even remember what age I was. I don't really remember anything else about this country club. I just remember that I fell into a pond, and afterwards I got to play an arcade machine of Street Fighter 2.

So, success?

Secret 272

2011-05-27T22:39:00.000+01:00

I never really liked Yogi Bear when I was a kid.

Thought he was a bit of a dick.

Secret 271

2011-05-26T23:51:00.000+01:00

Last night I had a dream where my work colleagues came with me to my house in France.

Fair enough.

But then they made me do a load of manual labour and kept shouting "you're not doing it right!" at me.

I wonder if this means I am feeling insecure about how well I'm doing at work...hmm.

Secret 270

2011-05-25T22:06:00.000+01:00

I realised the other day that Adele suffers from Pearl Jam syndrome.

This is a particularly devastating syndrome for bands and musicians that want to be taken seriously. It can best be explained like this:

For most Adele songs, it is much, much easier - and much, much more fun - to just sing random noises in the songs instead of taking the time to learn the actual lyrics. The only exception to this, much like Pearl Jam, is the occasional inclusion of the song title.

So it goes as follows:
"der derp de derp der deeeeerrr, Rolling in the Deeeeeeep oooooh"
or "der der der de deerp, Someone Like Yoooouu".

Secret 269

2011-05-24T22:28:00.000+01:00

I haven't slept well in weeks.

I don't know what will help it anymore.

Secret 268

2011-05-23T21:58:00.000+01:00

There's nothing more heartwarming than seeing someone you care about living a happy life. Having things finally go their way.

It makes things that are difficult in your own life a little bit better.

Sorry it's enigmatic. But that's all your getting tonight. Thankfully, it applies to many people I really care about at the moment.

Keep on being awesome, all of you.

Secret 267

2011-05-22T22:04:00.000+01:00

I absolutely love Miss Congeniality.

Seriously. I think it's one of the most entertaining films I've ever seen.

Also, I really like Sandra Bullock in general. Haters gonna hate.

Secret 266

2011-05-21T18:23:00.000+01:00

One of my earliest memories was at the Italia '90 World Cup.

I spent a large amount of time running around in my garden in France falling over, pretending to be Maradona.